~~The first face of love~~

His love is incomparable...!!!
His everlasting and non-exhausting love, poured to human life, that is for the eternity...
Bible says,
For God loved the world so much that, he gave only his son, So that whoever believes in him may not die, but have eternal life.
John 3:16
And in my life too, his this superior love has not only touched or healed me, but it has given me a new dimension to the aspects of my life... From a sick baby to a quite confident man, I have found enormous change through his blessings. Thank you my lord for loving me to that extent!!!
As Like of God, we expect similar Love from the every other people we find. Some love us from their best, Some try to keep us happy through their best, still we find love contradicting to other meaning of life... Sometime, we pray for them, Many times they pray for us, Still, we Find the differences...

Lots of differences in human life and Human love...

So, Here I am going to write my thoughts about Love, glancing Love from the other side, as,

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

~~Love is still in the air~~

~~Love is still in the air~~

Time was changing and I wanted to adopt this change. I wanted to dream and I wanted to achieve a lot of unachievable goals of realistic dream in my life. On every moment, I lost, I used to make myself more determined to climb the summit I have ever even imagined to reach.

This time it looked like I lost everything. My ever cool mind had started asking many questions of why, why and why? But even in this tensed moment, my heart never stopped dreaming. Unachievable dream leads to instability and high curiosity in life; I could realize it once again because this time things were completely different.

Neha, Neha and Neha… although my mind was assured of not getting this beautiful black beauty in my life, the other part of my body had not stopped showing its unusual characteristics when she used to rise in my surrounding. She was engaged, my heart knew it and even my mind. Still I had not stopped praying for her. Still, she has not stopped coming in my dreams, not only to be my inspiration but with claim “she will be the same who shall be with me in coming future.”

Even in this unusual closeness, I was very very far from heart of my beautiful princess. Trying to be lost inside her angelic eye was my recent hobby, but at the same time among the mass and among her again, I had to react that she is not more than a stranger for me. I was afraid to talk to her; I was forced to hide my smile in front of her. I wanted to be her friend at least, but sometime I feel if whether we are destined to be stranger forever and for eternity!

It was Friday. We used to have only 3 lectures. Today I wanted to know the truth behind her relationship status, promising myself that if she is engaged I will never be on her way, and if not, I shall try speaking to her as soon as possible and will try gifting her some bunch of smile for what she means to me! Still the other part of my heart assures my mind, whatever be the result I shall be praying for her always.

Asking question of engagement to Neha herself was not the correct way for many unsaid reason, so I decided asking one of her close friend. After my lecture period got over, I went outside college building and sat under the tree where students used to wait for their friends. I needed to wait 50 more minutes to get answer to my question if Neha is really engaged? To predict the answer, I sometime used to toss the coin as head or tail, always praying the outcome to be “she is not engaged”. At the time, the toss used to predict “she is still single” my heart used to get a huge relief, and I remember I had tried it repeatedly to increase the satisfaction. Sometimes even going to next question, “will I get her in my life?” “Will I be able to talk with her tomorrow?” and many more unanswered question. Sometime the outcome of toss used to be pinching my heart and to make result in my favor, I used to extend the toss game as “best of 3”, “best of 5” “best of 7” and so on, until the result used to support that it’s my day today. I even plucked out the petals of the flowers with count “she is engaged… she is not… she is... Not… she is … she is not...” and so on….

Perhaps these all were showing that the seed of love which was planted before 6 months has been enrooted to the every corner of my heart.

The duration of 50 minutes was never so long earlier as it was on that day. I was trying to sort out the reliable name that I could ask this question, but the very next minute I felt I was in Coma! With well fitted brown top and light brown jeans, lady of my heart was coming out of the college gate. Physical distance between two of us was decreasing at a rapid pace, and as usual for me, the whole surroundings had gone blank. I could see no one except her. Fairness of her skin was unruffled by the sun heat. The shining untied brown hair was one of the best features I felt she had. She always used to match her ear ring, her nail polish and even sandal with her dress. At a few occasions, I have always observed the different colorful shades of lipstick she applied, else her lips frequently had shining mirage covered with transparent lip gloss and in every form of her dressing, and she was beyond compare. To match her brown dressing, today she had brown lipstick bounded by the black liner. Even her ear ring, her belt and her leather sandal too! They all were brown. Of course, for these wonderful dress up I definitely won’t re-name her as “brown beauty” or something else.

Just few meter away from me, she stopped to wait for her friends. She gave me a look and in no time turned towards the gate. Perhaps as for me, her mind might have got few questions about me like, “isn’t this the same moron who was staring at me in physics lab?”, or may be “why on the earth is he standing here?” or maybe she may be with the thought, “had I seen this guy somewhere?” or ... or maybe she was lost in her heart with her favorite regional song! I tried to open my mouth, but my inability to talk in front of her was just like a dumb person who has lost his voice since the birth.

I should at least said “hello” but even to be ensured that this procedure is not wrong; it took me a lot of time. Finally when I decided to say a few words, her friend Nisha came out of the college building repeatedly saying “sorry”. Neha pointed finger towards the watch on her hand, perhaps she was expressing uneasiness on her being late. This time I couldn’t talk to her but from my inner heart, I definitely thanked Nisha for being late. They hurriedly went away, and I could only say “turn back once Neha…” which only my heart could hear. To test if my love is true and if my heart has connection with her hearts I repeatedly murmured, “please turn back once…” but she never did… and perhaps it was the today’s answer, “till today, destiny has no plans of connecting two of our hearts together”

Soon one of her closer class mate Gaurab came out of gate. Though Neha and I had a lot of mutual friends, Gaurab was the only one with whom I had shared some moments of my life too! So this time without thinking twice, I decided to get the answer of my curiosity from him. But again! To what degree shall I turn the question so that he may not have any question in his mind which I never want to answer, in fact I never want my one sided crush to get exposed among people!

Gaurab saw me sitting below the tree, and I greeted him “hi”. He came towards me. For the formality, I asked him about his study. His answer was, “it’s going fine, but need some extra luck for exam”. I wished him good luck. He wanted to know why I was sitting below the tree. I replied “waiting for a friend, but I don’t know if he will really come”. Gaurab used to go his home by train, so I asked him, are you going towards station? He replied “yes”. As even my destination was also the station, we started walking together…

Neha had the subject combination of Physics, chemistry and Mathematics. They were in “A” division while we were settled in B division. One of the special qualities of “A” division students was their unity and they had a very strong group. Don’t know if it was the chemistry bonding lecture effect which had made their bonding stronger. Their group had participated in every function of college curriculum activities. I continued the talk with Gaurab, “so u people are enjoying the college life? Anything special there?”

He replied: “No, as final exams are fast approaching we are busy finalizing practical journals and assignments”

“Still first year of college will definitely be a memorable one for you, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, quite memorable, few lectures, few bunking, few parties and many things, we had been enjoying it to our fullest…”

Parties! Well, now I got some hint to ask. So being curious to find my answer, I asked him, “oh yeah, recently I heard you people were partying one of yours friend’s post engagement celebration? Is it so?”

This time with a surprise on his face, he asked me, “but how did you knew about this?”

This unexpected reply of Gaurab almost de-oxidized my blood, this means the information of her engagement must be a true and my heart started visualizing my attendance of her marriage which might be occuring in few years. My world seemed like quaked with higher rector scale and I was searching for an emergency exit when Gaurab re-framed the question, “who told you about Neha’s engagement?”

I answered, “We have physics practical on a same day in same laboratory so her friends were discussing about her post-engagement party in practical lab itself, I got to know it from their discussion.”

On our way to the station, I normally used to have Chinese bhel, but this time I wanted to eat nothing. Within a few seconds we passed Chinese bhel wala, there comes sugarcane juice shop. Gaurab offered me juice. Although I was not a fan of sugarcane juice, I didn’t reject his offer and we each had a glass of sugar-cane juice. His answer had made two of us silent for few minutes until he again restarted the conversation.

“Last month, Neha was absent in the college for about one week, only few of us knew why she was absent and no one else in the class knew about it, so the rumor of her engagement got spread in the whole class”

Gaurab’s few last words brought some interest in me and I began talking as if the sugarcane juice has invoked some calories and instant energy in my body. His word “rumor” was vividly explaining everything, still trying to talk less, I replied him, “rumor! Means?”

“Actually it was her brother’s marriage and when she was absent, someone spread the rumor that she is getting married, this trend continued until she herself clarified it. As her birthday treat was pending she threw the party, she invited few of us to her house on weekend.”

This means the toss of coin was speaking the truth, this means may be she will accept me as her friend in my life and of course I wanted nothing more than this. Those confirmation words of Gaurab gave me infinite joy and excitement and my heart had already started singing beautiful song, it asking my body to dance though according to me I am the worst dancer and worst singer in entire world…

Soon we reached the platform and at the same time train to his Ambernath arrived in platform number 1. In a hurry, Gaurab shook hands, wishing good bye and he boarded his train. 30 seconds later, my train arrived in the opposite platform where I boarded in my usual compartment. Although first class compartment is almost vacant at this hour, I didn’t sit anywhere as I was not tired today and perhaps I wanted to experience the blow of the speeding wind. Cool breeze of air was getting reflected through my face hoping this air will make her realize “she is one whom my mind remembers the whole day and my heart architects the time spent with her. At the same time, my eyes are asking me to dream for the upcoming days and she being with me in those wonderful moments in that dream home. As per my promise which I had made to myself thatI will definitely talk to her the next day because interacting with this sweet pie has been the recent ambition of my life and more than about the planning of examination, I was concentrating on what else I need to do to be her friend because I wanted to be her friend and never wanted to lose her then onwards. Yeah, being friends with someone was not a great job at all, but I had hidden love for Neha, I too had tremendous respect for this beautiful girl of my life and the same respect for her had stopped me from talking to her, not once, not twice but umpteen number of time because I had an unanswered question, “Am I eligible to be a friend of this angel whose charm had softened each and every heart of the college?” This time, story of my life looked so simple, yet very complicated. People might ignore to accept what all is happening to me, yet my heart is a testimony of all, it’s realistic and it is the truth of my life. From the stage of place where my chat history with Neha is blank, I am finding love is still in the air, with match on balance and I know I should capitalize my luck. Don’t know how I shall be doing this, but if not done early, may be someone will come and I’ll be catch-out and sent out of the pavilion.

~~Love is still in the air~~

Thanks to my Lord for being with me throughout.

To be continued-----
(Friends, i will post the remaining part very soon, keep visiting..!!)